Star Patterns

The presidential psychic medical team of Carson, Phil and Oz have been studying star patterns with world-famous astrologist Hugo DiMartino and its affect on people’s ability to fight the Corona virus. Through, their unyielding efforts they have discovered what signs are most affected by the devastating effects of this disease. There will be no need for burdensome, uncomfortable tests, vaccinations and isolation. Just by ascertaining the time and date of your birth, this group has drawn a chart that can determine the precise time and date you will be contaminated with the disease, when and if you will need a ventilator and whether it’s worthwhile spending any valuable resources on you. This method can not be accused of discrimination like the prior methods used, which were basically color charts.

COVID Potion Number 9

President Trump is putting 10 different vaccines into production and will start distribution within the next 2 weeks. This break through was accomplished with the assistance of our president rolling up his sleeves and getting directly involved in mixing up the potions. Fortunately Dr. Oz has great connections with the Wicked Witch of the West and the 3 of them created the best damn vaccines ever known to mankind.

Space Cadets

President Trump has unfurled the Space Force flag. This force was conceived, created and financed through the phenomenal, best-in-the-world-and-beyond efforts of our great president. The president was inspired by the many space cadets he has appointed as heads of departments, cabinet posts and judges. The 3 doctor amigos: Carson, Phil and Oz want to be among the first cadets to get out there to look into the age-old debate between astrological signs versus genetics in determining human traits.

CDC Expertise Expanded

Trump has determined that the CDC has to be revised. It is composed of scientists, physicians and other well-educated bone-heads. There is not one parapsychologist, bone-thrower, or astrologist
on the payroll. Corrections will be taking place immediately.

Mere Coincidence

The fact that the entire Senate Intelligence Committee unloaded all their stock directly after a briefing by the CIA regarding Corona and the ultimate necessity of closing down businesses and their repeated assurances that Corona would go away on its own… were totally unrelated!
In interviews with several who sold there entire portfolios after holding them for many years, it was disclosed that this massive sale by all members of the committee months before thousands died and were sickened was mere coincidence. The assurance that Corona would go away on its own had nothing to do with fear of losing money. The intelligence committee has assigned Attorney General Barr to look into these false, slanderous accusations and bring criminal actions against any one making this charge.

A Directive Has Been Issued By The White House

Block Captains have now been given the go-ahead in determining the best timing regarding re-openings from the Corona virus. In fact, Trump is considering what he has brilliantly named “Block Captain Foreign Policy”… part of the Lowest Common Denominator theory of government policy. Another brilliant-genius, best-in-the-world, now-and-forever epiphany from our President.

The Corony Baloney Song

President Trump has written the best Corona songs ever composed by mankind, sung to the tune of “Off to See the Wizard”

Mousey Dr. Fauci is really such a fool
He wants to shut down the economy
And all of the schools
It is almost funny
How he disrespects money
Dollars over lives
we rich will survive
Corony Baloney, Corony Baloney

Everything and Everybody Has a Price Tag

Fox News has independently evaluated Dr. Fauci’s career and has determined that he has never ran for elected office and is making decisions affecting the health and welfare of the general public and is being listened to by elected officials, except Trump who is not fooled.

Just because Dr. Fauci has degrees and has studied and helped manage many epidemics and HIV, he is playing all sides by recommending schools be kept closed. This was not acceptable to the president and Fox News. His motives are questionable. He appears to believe that pain, suffering and death have no price tag. This type of blasphemy has no place in Trump Philosophy, adopted hook, line and sinker by Fox News and the Republican Party. Everything and everybody has a price tag. That is a non-negotiable tenet. If you aren’t with us, you are against us. Goodbye Dr. Fauci.

Surrounded by Crosses and Garlic

The honorable Attorney General Barr has launched an investigation into what many people have suggested “that Dr. Fauci is actually Chinese and an illegal immigrant. Dr. Fauci is said to be held up in a window-less cellar somewhere no one knows, surrounded by crosses and garlic. Dr. Fauci says he’s a scientist, a physician and a public health official. This was considered by the White House as an admission of his hostility to the very basic principals of this administration’s governing and proof of his alliance with FAKE Corona, FAKE News and FAKE breasts.

A Man of Many Feelings

Trump has feelings about the recovery. He likes to go with his feelings. He states today that he has felt many things over his lifetime. Many of which were women’s body parts. Sometimes he feels the presence of greatness whenever he feels himself, which has been quite often lately, since Melania cut him off for fear of Corona.