President Trump courageously eliminated the possibility of a stone being thrown at his glass house. The president has utilized his friends and family free pass authority to release Roger stone from serving any time for covering up for the president. The president also intend to award Roger Stone the Congressional Medal of Honor in a ceremony in the rose garden during a get-out-of-jail-free party next week. The only civilian ever given this honor, which is richly deserved as Roger remained honorable under the most severe circumstances and held true to his God and president – actually the same.
School Opening Guidelines Too Strict
President announced he disagrees with his CDC on the guidelines for opening the schools. What could be more effective than the presidents own personal guidelines used for the president’s rallies! Who would be more careful than the president himself!?
Mandatory Target Practice
Police Commissioner Harrison has come up with a sure-fire way of minimizing the incidental killing of Baltimore’s children by wild gunfire: Mandatory target practice initiated in kindergarten and required training throughout schools and juvenile facilities.
Expressing his Perfect Artistic Side
President Trump has declared that all monuments will have federal protection and be permanently preserved no matter how controversial their history. In fact, the president has commissioned a couple of new monuments to celebrate some of his personal favorites. The shirt-less Putin riding high on a big beautiful perfect horse permanently stationed across the White House, directly opposite Kim Jon Lo sitting a top a rocket, Elton John’s famous song playing round the clock in the background…
This one’s a personal creation by the president expressing his perfect artistic side, rarely disclosed in public.
Free Choice and Image Projection
The president is holding a rally at Mount Rushmore and has his construction company’s scoping the mountain area for the appropriate location for his image on the mountain. The president and governor have declared that no social distancing will be required although free masks will be provided. They will also will not be required. This arrangement is taking into consideration the constitutional protection of free choice and image projection which is especially important around Mt. Rushmore. The president wants no possible chance that his image might be memorialized on the mountain with a mask.
Chant and Charm Corona Cure
President Trump has a little-known secret up his sleeve. The fake news is reporting that, when the president says the virus will ‘magically disappear’, he is being deceptive and telling more fantasy lies.
The president has found and recruited an incredible team of top medicine men and faith healers,
who have coordinated the perfect chant and charm to ward off this democratic controlled Corona Virus. The Chant and Charm Corona Cure will be released shortly and simultaneously with the president’s tax returns… once the tax audit is concluded.
President Trump has directed Attorney General Barf to launch an investigation into whether the liberal fake history books lied about who won the Civil War. Why else would the liberals be tearing down the statues that only victors would be building to celebrate their victory?
Lowest Common Denominator Political Theory at Work!
President Trump is celebrating his Political Lowest Common Denominator Theory: wherein the president delegates authority to the lowest common denominator. In the case of Corona virus,
“block captains ” – this works perfect when it comes to wearing masks and decisions on attacking the Corona virus. Only block captains are aware of what is taking place in their neighbors’ houses and whether masks are truly necessary. Block Captains also have the advantage of knowing what their neighbors look like and can determine, not only the likelihood of spreading the virus, but also if their face is so ugly it should be covered by a mask anyway.
Big and Beautiful Surprises Coming
President Trump has announced some big and beautiful surprises coming in the next few weeks. The audit of his tax returns is very close to being concluded. Tax returns are anticipated to be released any minute. Monica Lewenski’s dress has been bronzed and will be on display in the main corridor of the White House. The president has been wearing a mask all this time. The mask is actually a Halloween mask that was molded to look exactly like his face. The president has know from the start that masks were an effective control of this disease. In fact, it was the president that thought of mask in the first place.
Obvious Conflict of Interest
The most honorable Attorney General Barf has, in consultation with the president, decided it’s best to remove Geoffrey Berman, the US attorney investigating the president’s personal attorney Rudy Giuliani… this after pursuing and convicting the president’s last personal attorney, Michael Cohen and investigating other personal friends and family of the president. Berman had an obvious conflict of interest and Attorney General Barf disclosed that the president wanted to nominate Jay Clayton, chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission, to replace him. The president showed unprecedented guts, knowing that all this might be misinterpreted. Just because Jay Clayton has never prosecuted a case in his life, regularly attends the seances held at the White House and has signed onto the friends and family loyalty pledge (part of the blood ceremony that all Trump’s appointees must attend) … none of this will affect his totally perfect independent judgment.