Police Commissioner Harrison has come up with a sure-fire way of minimizing the incidental killing of Baltimore’s children by wild gunfire: Mandatory target practice initiated in kindergarten and required training throughout schools and juvenile facilities.
President Trump has declared that all monuments will have federal protection and be permanently preserved no matter how controversial their history. In fact, the president has commissioned a couple of new monuments to celebrate some of his personal favorites. The shirt-less Putin riding high on a big beautiful perfect horse permanently stationed across the White House, directly opposite Kim Jon Lo sitting a top a rocket, Elton John’s famous song playing round the clock in the background…
This one’s a personal creation by the president expressing his perfect artistic side, rarely disclosed in public.
The president is holding a rally at Mount Rushmore and has his construction company’s scoping the mountain area for the appropriate location for his image on the mountain. The president and governor have declared that no social distancing will be required although free masks will be provided. They will also will not be required. This arrangement is taking into consideration the constitutional protection of free choice and image projection which is especially important around Mt. Rushmore. The president wants no possible chance that his image might be memorialized on the mountain with a mask.
President Trump has a little-known secret up his sleeve. The fake news is reporting that, when the president says the virus will ‘magically disappear’, he is being deceptive and telling more fantasy lies.
The president has found and recruited an incredible team of top medicine men and faith healers,
who have coordinated the perfect chant and charm to ward off this democratic controlled Corona Virus. The Chant and Charm Corona Cure will be released shortly and simultaneously with the president’s tax returns… once the tax audit is concluded.
President Trump has directed Attorney General Barf to launch an investigation into whether the liberal fake history books lied about who won the Civil War. Why else would the liberals be tearing down the statues that only victors would be building to celebrate their victory?
President Trump is celebrating his Political Lowest Common Denominator Theory: wherein the president delegates authority to the lowest common denominator. In the case of Corona virus,
“block captains ” – this works perfect when it comes to wearing masks and decisions on attacking the Corona virus. Only block captains are aware of what is taking place in their neighbors’ houses and whether masks are truly necessary. Block Captains also have the advantage of knowing what their neighbors look like and can determine, not only the likelihood of spreading the virus, but also if their face is so ugly it should be covered by a mask anyway.
President Trump has announced some big and beautiful surprises coming in the next few weeks. The audit of his tax returns is very close to being concluded. Tax returns are anticipated to be released any minute. Monica Lewenski’s dress has been bronzed and will be on display in the main corridor of the White House. The president has been wearing a mask all this time. The mask is actually a Halloween mask that was molded to look exactly like his face. The president has know from the start that masks were an effective control of this disease. In fact, it was the president that thought of mask in the first place.
The most honorable Attorney General Barf has, in consultation with the president, decided it’s best to remove Geoffrey Berman, the US attorney investigating the president’s personal attorney Rudy Giuliani… this after pursuing and convicting the president’s last personal attorney, Michael Cohen and investigating other personal friends and family of the president. Berman had an obvious conflict of interest and Attorney General Barf disclosed that the president wanted to nominate Jay Clayton, chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission, to replace him. The president showed unprecedented guts, knowing that all this might be misinterpreted. Just because Jay Clayton has never prosecuted a case in his life, regularly attends the seances held at the White House and has signed onto the friends and family loyalty pledge (part of the blood ceremony that all Trump’s appointees must attend) … none of this will affect his totally perfect independent judgment.
President Trump has announced the “Spread the Word and Virus Rally ” to be held in the county with the highest increase in Corona virus of anywhere in the country. This Oklahoma county has an indoor facility that holds lots of people,, providing all necessary conditions for a big spread.
Shouting, no distance separation, no mask requirement, long duration close together.
At least 20,000 people with these risk factors! Scientists have predicted at least a thousand people should be affected. Every indicator the president’s crack Corona team has reviewed directly contradicts these fake scientific predictions. Three bone-throws in a row and a confirmatory 4th bone-throw, 2 seances, and a thorough review of star alignment by the 3 medical amigos Dr Carson, Oz and Phil predicted without reservation that infections will be non-existent . Once and for all proving these fake scientists are working to destroy the economy and Trumps re-election.
President Trump has come up with a brilliant plan to stop Corona in its tracks. It’s a very simple tactic but has extra ordinary results. the president will call for an immediate ban on all testing for Corona virus and have Attorney General Barr investigate any company that produces the test and have them immediately indicted and stopped. The president has come to the conclusion that this
method could be applied to many stubborn problems, especially with minorities struggling with school and college. This perfect plan will immediately solve minority education issues. By simply eliminating all testing at schools from elementary on, we will create unlimited minority college graduates.