President Trump has responded to all these scientific models who predict a ton of deaths with a premature opening as ‘total nonsense’ . He is quoted as saying “nobody – absolutely nobody knows more about models than me. I have dated, judged and molested more models than these so-called science models could ever dream of.”

The head of the Center for Disease Control, Steve Mnuchin has just opened a Travel Service Division – basically a national governmental travel agency under his direct supervision. He will be offering tours of the most affected corona virus towns with special stops at the first American
towns to re-open and a really special Halloween tour of the mass corona graves throughout the country. Better book soon summer tours almost sold out!

In response to those over-demanding governors asking for more and more tests, Trump has declared that the country is actually over-tested and many test should be abolished altogether.
In fact, one of the first tests he is considering abolishing is the paternity test. This test is often false and takes up too much time in the lab when much more important test could instead be conducted .. for instance the extra terrestrial tests or the exorcism tests.

President Trump has responded to accusations of firing the head of the governmental oversight on virus vaccination. He said it had nothing to do with his criticisms of Trump’s strong recommendations of the drug Hydroxychloroquine (proven to be ineffective) and his advocacy of an increase in production of Remdesivir, proven to be effective. This kind of correctness has no place in this administration. The disagreement with the president was bad enough but the fact that he was correct goes against everything this administration stands for.

Alice reports that the Baltimore mayoral election looks like a Sheila Dixon win is likely.
Sheila has been soliciting some major children’s book publishing companies for an advance and contract on a children’s book she is about to write.

Dr. Fauci has been observed staying far from any windows higher than 6 feet off the outside ground, refuses to go in elevators or higher than the first floor of any building.
He claims this has nothing to do with the 3 Russian doctors, who criticized Putin
recently found to have tripped in front of windows and plunged to there death.

President Trump has announced that, after a full and complete review of the death count headed by Dr. Oz, he has determined the increase in the death toll has absolutely nothing to do with opening up certain states early. The TRUE culprit appears to be related to daylight savings time and star alignment, which caused some confusion. Dr. Oz is now in consultation with the chief psychic at the Psychic Hotline to determine the best star alignment prior to any further openings.

President Trump is thought to be disturbed by reports that be does not consult with prior presidents. This is absolutely FALSE. Trump channels on a daily basis with every president ever elected starting with Washington up to Reagan.

During a seance last night, Presidents Lincoln and Trump got into a major dispute as to who is getting the worse treatment by the news. President Trump’s Ouija board determined that he is getting the worse treatment. This was confirmed by Dr. Carson’s Ouija board with Attorney General Barr at the helm, making the moves.

Alice has uncovered the theory behind Trump’s governmental philosophy. Brilliantly conceived and appropriately named: The Lowest Common Denominator
Theory. This theory holds that if there are more than one possible answer to a philosophical or environmental situation, a major pandemic or war…. the BEST and most PERFECT approach is to get as many answers from as many different camps as possible, find the one common thread that runs through ALL the answers …and pick the lowest common mental denominator. Declare this answer to be the ‘MOST PERFECT ANSWER THAT WAS EVER CONCEIVED TO ANY QUESTION EVER ASKED – and run with it. This approach to government messaging and action has appeal to not only his hard core base – it has the extra benefit of appeasing the country’s enemies.